SharonFirstly, let’s briefly talk about what Emotional Intelligence is. Emotional Intelligence is divided into four components – Self Awareness, Self Management/Self Regulation, Social Awareness and Relationship Management. There are five key elements of Emotional Intelligence –
- Self awareness
- Self regulation
- Motivation
- Empathy and
- Social skills.
When it comes to coaching, emotional intelligence is essential. People with high emotional intelligence are aware of and able to manage their emotions, understand how their emotions effect others, are able to manage their relationships, manage themselves in a social setting and are able to inspire and influence others. When both the manager and the employee have high levels of emotional intelligence, it facilitates easier communication and understanding between the manager and the employee and adds value to the coaching process.
It all starts with Self-awareness. Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. Self-awareness is recognizing your emotions and their effects, knowing your strengths and weaknesses, knowing what your values and responsibilities are. It is being confident in who you are, both personally and professionally.
How self-aware are you? How do you come across? Are you professional yet friendly and approachable? One of the very first things we need to do as coaches, is to build rapport with our client or potential client or as a leader or manager, with your employee or team member.
How do you build Self-awareness?
– Make time for self-reflection
– Accept and acknowledge your true feelings
– Physically feel your emotions
– Identify your values and intentions
– Appreciate your strengths
– Ask for feedback from people you trust
– Learn from criticism
Self-regulation or self-control refers to our ability to control our emotions, desires and behaviours in order to reach a positive outcome. Put another way, it’s our ability to control our emotions so they don’t control us. It means you are able to control you impulses, feelings and behaviours and manage your emotions in healthy ways.
How do your emotions affect you and your ability to coach?
What are your triggers? Triggers are behaviours in others that can upset or irritate you.
Triggers are based on the values of the person who feels irritated. Hot buttons cause destructive behaviours that can escalate to conflict so it’s important to know what pushes your buttons.
Ask yourself:
- What kind of behaviours in others push your buttons?
- Why do those behaviours upset you?
Be aware of when you experience strong emotions.
Now let’s talk about Motivation.
Motivation, simply put, is the reason why we behave the way we do or why we choose to do something. Motivation will help you achieve your goals and will help you in your self-development or growth as an individual. Self-motivation or intrinsic motivation refers to our internal drive for success or sense of purpose which motivates us to improve and achieve, commit to our goals, take initiative, to act on opportunities with optimism, enthusiasm and resilience. It means doing something without an external reward such as money, a promotion, perks or benefits etc. You might also be motivated by the fear of failure or fear.
What motivates you?
How do you stay motivated and how do you motivate your team?
Let’s move on to Empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share in the feelings of others. It is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from their perspective, in other words, placing yourself in their position. In order to have empathy for another person, we need to recognize and understand our own feelings first.
Empathy is important because it helps us to understand how others are feeling so that we can respond appropriately to the situation. Coaches with high emotional intelligence are able to sense their client’s feelings and perspectives through emotional awareness and empathy.
Are you able to instinctively sense how your client is feeling? Are you able to read their emotional state? Do you know what they need from you?
Empathy is a key skill and like all skills can be learned, improved and developed. It starts with self-awareness of your own emotions and feelings. Recognize different perspectives. Ask questions, listen to understand and reflect. Remember to try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Be compassionate and sincere.
Finally, let’s discuss Social Skills.
Social skills or interpersonal skills refers our ability to communicate with others effectively, this includes verbal and non-verbal communication. Having strong social skills can help you build and maintain successful relationships, personally and professionally.
Let’s start with how we communicate. Communication skills involve listening, speaking, observing and empathizing.
Actively listening is the ability to pay close attention to the person who is speaking to you, understand what is being communicated and to respond appropriately. Also pay attention to how you respond to others.
How good are your listening skills? Are you an active listener?
Why is actively listening important?
– It helps you build connections
– It helps you build trust
– It helps you identify and solve problems
– It helps you to increase your knowledge and understanding
– It helps you to avoid missing crucial information
Verbal active listening skills:
– Paraphrase, example, “So what you’re saying is …”, “If I understand you correctly …”
– Ask open-ended questions
– Ask specific probing questions
– Use short, verbal affirmations such as “I see”, “I understand”, “That makes sense”, “I agree” etc.
– Show empathy – see things from the other person’s point of view
– Share similar experiences
– Recall previously shared information, if relevant
Non-verbal active listening skills include:
– nodding your head
– smiling
– avoiding distracting movements like checking your watch, tapping your foot or pen, sighing audibly
– maintaining eye contact
How to improve your listening skills:
– Maintain eye contact
– Visualize what the speaker is saying
– Limit judgments
– Don’t interrupt
– Wait for a pause to ask questions
– Ask clarifying questions
– Empathize with the speaker
– Pay attention to nonverbal cues (facial expressions, body language)
– Provide the speaker with feedback
– Practice listening
How to communicate effectively:
– Know your purpose – are your trying to persuade, instruct or inform
– Identify your audience – adapt your communication style to your audience
– Have a plan, example, how you will deal with objections
– Listen actively
– Speak clearly
– Use appropriate body language
– Be approachable
By practising active listen you are able to build trust and connection and ultimately develop others through the coaching process.
EQ helps us to be more in tune with our employees or team members so we know which approach to take. Do they like to be challenged directly or prefer a more subtle approach. Does their body language match what they are saying? What are they not saying? What are they avoiding? Are they self-sabotaging without even being aware of it? Are they procrastinating or do they just lack confidence? What are the limiting beliefs? EQ helps us to uncover all these answers and in so doing can help us to optimize the behavioural transformation or personal development of our employees/team members or whatever the goal of the coaching process is.
As you can see, EQ is about our ability to be aware of, control and express our emotions appropriately as well as our ability to manage our interpersonal relationships effectively, so it is important for you as a manager or leader to develop these competencies and in so doing, become a more effective and successful leader.